I WANT TO CUDDLE YOU BUT I ALSO WANT TO FUCK YOU HARD I AM CONFLICTED
I swear to god the degradation of my writing in one lengthy post is blindingly apparent.
Learning one single dance style from different people is difficult sometimes. When you think you’ve understood a single move, you get this feeling of satisfaction and perhaps relief, but when you face someone new it’s as if you had previously learned nothing; you start from from the bottom. Again. It’s not a bad thing, it’s confusing but it’s not bad.
A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to have a locker from the society give me a couple pointers. I’ve always thought he harbored some sort of negativity towards me but thoughts of that pretty much dispersed once our half-an-hour-or-so session started.
It was really good to receive someone else’s criticism and input in terms of how I danced and how I was going about things. I didn’t really have a plan or anything, I’d just do whatever. This would leave me free to do whatever I wanted but also left me stuck on what I should start on. I’m usually drilling my foundations, or trying to do something… away… from foundations… ALL THE GROOVES!
See, I don’t know how to bloody train!
How did I get so… Hurrr anyway, new things I can work on: levels, ideas on how to utilise the space I’m given rather than dancing in the same spot, and my walk/attitude/intro/first impressions. I was also given a lesson on mentality in terms of doing battle and doing the jam, some history stories, as well as small exercises I could do to warm myself up.
It was refreshing to learn from someone outside of the classroom. I felt very honoured to have the privilege of dancing with higher-level dancers who deem me capable enough to be taught what they know. It’s a nice feeling.
I wish I wasn’t grounded and Sydney skies were clear enough so I could participate in the syzygy watching.
I wish I could be pretty like those Korean and Japanese girls I see everywhere.
I also wish I could play BattleBlock Theater and Cloudberry Kingdom right about now.
THAT THEY’RE NOT TRYING
BECAUSE HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW IF THEY’RE TRYING OR NOT
JUST BECAUSE IT DOESN’T LIVE UP TO YOUR STANDARDS DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE NOT TRYING
Rather than upsetting me or angering me, I’m strangely motivated by my mothers break down. Sounds a little odd doesn’t it? This is not uncommon for me, it happens… more often than not. The late night, the usual ride home, the yelling, the tears. I’v’e learned to just let people scream til their throats are raw and every ounce of energy has been well spent on releasing all the feels. I quite enjoy it when my mother shouts at me for the one reason that she swears. It’s amusing to have parents like mine swear; you really don’t get to hear it as often as you’d like.
But back to the motivation part. Why and how does it motivate me? Motivates me because it let’s me know that I seriously gotta get my ass out of the house. The only thing in my way is not having enough dough on me to do so. And so I am trapped in the constraints of reality.
If y’all don’t know already, my mother worries a great deal about me. Most of the time it’s great, I mean who wouldn’t want loving parents right? However other times I wish she’d just stop; it kills her and it kills me too. It hurts her to the extent of wanting to smash her own head so she wouldn’t be able to worry about me any more. Quote, unquote.
-ugh turning on dem waterworks just remembering that line jcf-
Lastly, what does this all motivate me to do? Move out of course. Once I move out, they won’t have to worry about me coming home or not. Whether or not they decide to continue worrying will no longer be my problem, and they’ll know this too. Once I make the move, no one will be relying on anyone for anything. Sounds hella childish and whiny, I know. No need for dem eye-rollin’-rude-sighin’-face-palmin’ attitude. Don’t you dare give me that!
I’m sure I’ve already mentioned this before in one of my other posts but eh, it’s the only thing running through my head right now. I will probably try and find someone who would want to share rent with me, save my money properly this time (good time to pick up the good habits again seeing as I’m on holiday), maybe lay off the dance for a bit (I did my back in on Saturday… hurrr), and just get my head in the game with my studies.
Everything sounds like a pretty good plan. I will only admit to it being a good plan when the plan is a success. Until then, gotta get down and do.
Why do dudes always wanna know your bra size tho, what are they gonna do, buy you bras?? Cause that would be very helpful bras cost a lot of money i would save a fortune
Simple day for me was simple. Work during the hours of the sun and spending time with the boyfriend during the hours of the… not sun. And now, before I sleep, the one thing running through my head is how much coffee reminds me of him. I shan’t divulge any further than that. Because I actually can’t think straight for some reason (curse you Cloudberry Kingdom!).
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap one person eight times
i hate when you voluntarily tell your parents some information about your life because you think you can trust them and then they bitch at you for it like congrats you have guaranteed that i will never tell you anything ever again
And for once I didn’t mind the pouring rain outside my window.
You’re driving me. Fucking insane. Do you understand how annoying it is to listen to the same thing again and again? Do you understand how much of my time you are wasting when you try to explain your point AND yourself to me? Do you understand that the longer you go on about this, the more apathetic I become, the more you elicit the response you’re not looking for? It was never your business to pry into; you were only consulted as an offside adviser. If he couldn’t handle his own problems then let him tough it out because frankly what you are doing is not a favour to us, you are making things a lot worse than what they could be.
I do not hate you, my heart does not have the capability of such ugly things. But I can say that you need to back off.